Marriage Blues

Hi There!

It's been a long time! Well, first of all, the big new is I just got married. hehehe...From being a Mamugay, I am now officially a member of the Bacus clan, that is, if they accept me. Anyway, I can't say I feel something really special after the wedding, except the fact that everthing is legitimate now. Other than that, I don't feel anything, or was it just because nothing much will change.

Why? He's still in Manila and I'm still here in Davao, and our son is still living with my parents. Most people in his clan suggest that we live together, but I can't bring Myles to Manila. The surrounding's not good for him. And I can't leave him either, he needs us (in our case, at least one of us). But since Joemelle can't leave his job, i need to be left here. *sigh

I don't feel I'm married after all. *sob

Bacus Look-alike Meter

MyHeritage: Family tree - Genealogy - Celebrity - Collage - Morph

Creepy...

This really scares the hell out of me!

Happy Birthday

Otanjou-bi Omedetou Gozaimasu!

Feliz Cumplea–os!

Bonne Fete!

Buon Compleanno!

Saeng il chuk ha ham ni da!

Eid milaad saeed! or Kul sana wa inta tayeb

Hau`oli la hanau!

Happy Birthday!

Maligayang Bati Sa Iyong Kaarawan!

Malipayong adlaw'ng natawhan!

I LOVE YOU!!!

Request

Four years, yet still, we are having big fights over small causes. We just don't get each other's points. We are getting married in two-week's time, but are we really ready for it? I'm not. But I have to.



I fear that someday, one or both of us will realize that this is a mistake (I hope not). I don't want my family to end up broken. I want my children to live a happy life. But by looking at the situation now, can we really do that? Can we really go on, ignoring the fact that we don't have proper disclosure on something so important?

Here's what I think: no. I've seen in with my brother. Even if we convince ourselves that we are different, and put a fake smile in our faces, we can't deny that we don't discuss. Why there's no discussion? Because everytime I try to open the issue, we always say to ourselves, "we have to". So I shut up.

Maybe this is one of the reasons why we are always fighting. I don't know. But just for a smallest detail, I get angry. If I get angry, he gets sad. If he gets sad, he'll have a mysterious chest pain that no medical doctor can ever heal. If he begins to feel that pain, I get guilty. And finally, both of us will have a very heavy feelling all throughout the day. Lucky enough if the fight happens at night. But what if it happens at daytime? Then we won't be able to work at our best efforts. And because of that, projects got delayed, and everything will reflect back to us. Sad situation.

Sometimes, I just shut myself, calm myself. So that after shutting, I will again be lively, and talk to him like nothing happened. Why don't you understand that???

This morning, as we ate at Jolibee, I was thinking about my project, which is due tonight. Then all of the sudden, I remember our argument last night. And I thought, I wish events in television shows are true. I'm talking about those shows that two people interchanges their lives, so each of them experiences what the other one's experience. *sigh I wish things could be this easy.

Disappointing

It's really disappointing when something that should enlighten your feeling will suddenly be pud to nothing because of one silly factor: misunderstanding!

Do you know the feeling? You've done something, you're really excited about it, then because of that stupid misunderstanding, BECAUSE of miscommunication, everything is ruined. Everything is well-planned, everything else is ready except for one tiny bit of part, which is, ironically, one of the most integral part. Just one text, all needed for that part. Just one text to make everything close to successful. But missed out. Can someone understand me?

Well, there, it's been missed out. And because of missing it, you'll have to re-do everything. Change some parts, omit some parts, EXCLUDE some parts. The big picture is still there, but not the way you wanted it to be. Then you'll just say to yourself, to at least make yourself satisfied and comfort yourself (since no one else can do that), "Ngano man gud diay wala na, madayon lang bitaw gihapon." (it doesn't matter if it's not there, the event will still continue)

Then you'll continue with your life. But your feeling won't be lifted anymore. Not until after THAT happens.

*sigh
This is gonna be some wedding to remember.

More Myles Videos

Accountability

This is such a very big word. As we join a company for work, this is really a must, and has a very heavy responsibility. But how will one develop accountability?

It's really a big question for me, and I don't really understand how. People might say, it's developed from home. Nah! I totally disagree. I grew up with a father who doesn't even "know" the word - understand the word.

School? Maybe. But I also doubt that. Since the day that I started studying, I saw my teachers being bribed by parents just to include their kids in the honor's list. Or I have seen advisers who couldn't admit that what they taught was wrong. Now where's accountability?

Government? Hmmm...On the second thought, should I even include this in the choices?

Environment? Likewise, I've been isolated my entire life, and I feel being left out, too. So I don't think this is an option.

But where does ACCOUNTABILITY really lies? *sigh
Tough question, huh?

More Pix of Myles

Looong Day!

And I mean veeerrrryyy looong day!

This is my very first time to work for 26 hours (33 hours minus the 7-hour break). From 9pm Tuesday, until 6am Thursday, I was doing my fixes and trying to deploy those fixes to the live site. I've got so little sleep and yesterday, I only had 4 hours of sleep.

*sigh
And what do I get from this hardwork? A tired body and a shaking left hand.

"It" Continues

I thought my misfortunes (mentioned in the post prior to this) stopped once I got home. I'm definitely wrong.

To cut the story short, I fell -- from the ladder with five steps. I've got bruises and wounds. My butt hurts as well as my head (I kinda landed flat, as if lying in the floor). Right now, the biggest wound still bleeds, and it limits my speed in typing. grrrrr.

Bad day (ermmm...night?)

I left home early for work. I think it was around 8:50pm. I rode the taxi, as usual. When I got here in the office, I was proud that I am early, and that I believed, nothing could go wrong. Guess what!

As I entered the campus, there were a group of students at a building. I glanced to see what they were doing. When I turned back, *poof*! I was humiliated. Not just a simple one, but major humiliation. huhuhu...I've never been this humiliated in front of other people. Curse their IRREGULAR landscape!!!

Second unpleasant thing, kept on doing everything wrong. That's it. I won't say much.

Third, the task that I thought I finished yesterday, isn't finished at all! There's so many things to do, and I don't I have the slightest idea on how to perform the tasks.

Lastly, new tasks have been added. huhuhu....

Can't barely speak...

Have someone ever felt so hopeless? Have you ever had the experience that you want to shout on someone's face something that you really want to say (something that you've been trying to tell him/her through your actions but s/he doesn't have any idea what you are trying to communicate) but can't say it because you're afraid s/he'll say "It's not possible".

*sigh
It's hard, isn't it? Sometimes I just wonder, "Man! When will you ever understand what I'm trying to imply???"

The Answer

I thinking about Claudia's advise, and it did help me to discern. I recalled what I did back in college and now I have some of the answers why I made it to the honor's list even though I don't really have the passion for it.


First, my goal. I set up my goal: to be at least one of the students in the honor's list. All my life I thought that I wouldn't make it. So when I enrolled in college, my mindset was "Come what may". But when I became one of the Dean's Listers, it gave hope to me. So I set that goal. To be one of my father's kids that he can be proud of.

Second, motivation. My father was one of my motivations. He used to tell me that I am weak. And his words became my challenge. I want to fight him, but I don't want to hurt him. And my goal was the only way that I can prove to him I'm worth his daughter. My anger was motivation. Well, that was the start. But as I continued studying, I met people and learn something. It's not good to be imprisoned with that anger. *sigh

Other than that of my father, I don't have the reason to stay home. So I guess I have no other choice. Besides, my place before was just one block away from the university. I don't have enough reason to be absent.

Lastly, believing in myself. My whole life back then was a mess. My father don't believe in me, I have no friends, and my siblings were also too busy to attend to my needs. So I have no one to attend to my needs. So whoelse will help me to achieve my goal? Only me. However, I wouldn't say that I was really alone. I have my fiance to guide me. (Thanks Baby)

So that kept me thinking. My assignment, until I have the "courage" to go to the office, is to find these three "pillars" of efficient working.

Various Work-Related Sickness

I had another absence. While I was at home thinking about the absence I made, I came upon this "theory". People used this in their everyday lives, and some may not know about this. Well, I prefer giving it a name.

I have this sickness that I got from my physics professor back in college. But it's slightly different since mine happens every monday. And thinking about it, I came up with a theory:

Monday Sickness

--> One loves the job, but hates the environment/place.

Friday Sickness

--> One loves the environment/place, but hates the job.

Absenticism

--> One hates both the job and the environment/place.

Thinking about it (again), I should have absenticism back in college. There were times that I don't like both the environment and the things I'm doing. But then agan, I didn't have the valid reason to get this sickness. Now, I have all the reason to have Monday Sickness. Try to guess.

First Project

My very first project! weeeeeeeeeee...I'm excited. hehehe

This is the moment that I've been waiting for more than a year! Finally, something to look forward to. There's an assurance that I have something to do when I go to work. Hehehe.

I'm really excited. Hope I can do this right. Wish me luck.

Best Laugh!

I'm still on my third week with my new employer, and I already have the best laugh in the company.

I PM'ed my boss to tell him I'm going home. But before getting to the point, he asked for a status report. After giving my report, he then popped this question:

Boss: How's your son? Is it
a boy or a girl? I have two sons, 4 and 11.

I was giggling hard aand my officemates saw me. They were intriqued by my reactions so I told them what our boss asked me. Amidst the silent of BLS and the drowsiness we felt, there was a sudden burst of laughter.

Well, thanks to our boss we felt a little active. Hehehe

Sickness

Two absences in a row. *sigh

Isn't it great? I'm still on my second week and I already got a total of three absences, two this week. I got a cough Friday night, but I was not able to visit my doctor because my would-be mother-in-law was at home, visiting her grandson. So there, I also didn't have enough sleep that I should get. She actually let me sleep, but when she left, my mother told me how rude I was for leaving my visitor alone. (huhuhu..I was tired and sleepy and that was what I got...)

Anyway, I visited my doctor monday morning, and just as expected, she asked me why I didn't come that saturday if I have the cough on Friday. I think she believed that the fever was a complication (yes, I have fever since monday morning and I also catched a cold).

So there, I was not able to work for two nights straight this week. But I feel better now (I still have cough, though) so I hope my officemates will see me tonight.

Nightshift; Wedding

I'm suppose to be having a rest now since I work at nights. But I woke up around 11am and I can't sleep back. So I decided to take a bath and eat lunch. Right now, I'm in an internet cafe, and I'm suppose to read more about the topics assigned to me. Since I'm a slow-reader, I need to study more than office hours to meet my goal and prevent delays.

Well then, nightshift as I do. Last night was my first, and I believe that will continue. I got a little sleepy at the last three hours of my shift. Luckily, I was not tempted to lean my head, coz if I did, I would surely fall asleep. (hmmmm...I think this is the same statement I told my boss...hehehe).

Anyway, I think I can manage nightshifts. Afterall, I did overnight coding before. I will just tell myself, this is like college. hehehe...

By the way, I forgot to give an update about an important matter. My wedding's on December 22. I've finished processing the all requirements needed by the city hall and the church. And we've already paid a downpayment to the church. Now, we're just waiting for the pre-marriage interview and pre-cana seminar which will be on October.

Myles's baptism might be on the 23th. I'm a little confused with Joemz's decision, but I sure hope my mother hasn't talked to the priest yet. Or else, the baptism will be on the same day of our marriage.

Well, bye for now. Too many things to do, too little time.

New Job

This is just a quick post. I'm very busy today. My schedule is very full..hehehe

Anyway, I'm on my second day in my new job. Pretty exciting since I'm gonna start all over again. I still can't believe that I am now a developer. My boss told me, when he saw my credentials, he can't believe that I was a tester. He wants to give me an opportunity, since that one was not given to me before. Well, now, I'm loaded with tasks. Hehehe.

He'd given me a 7-day training with 7 major subject for web development, and then SCRUM. I'm gonna be using ASP .NET and C#. It's a startup company, but I'd say, I have a good pay. hehehe.

Well, bye for now. need to eat lunch. Today's my last day as dayshift. Tomorrow, my time-in will be at 9pm. Pretty exciting....hehehe

Pretty Rude? ^_^

 

I emailed this message to a colleague (a new hire, actually) after the incident in my prior post.  Just want to share how I showed my rudeness (me bad..hehehehe).

 

Well, I guess that my way of saying "Nobody messes with Melay!"

 

Good day!

Have a nice day,
Melay
---------------------------
NCR - Cebu Development Center, Inc.
e-Office One Asiatown IT Park,
Apas, Lahug, Cebu City 6000 Philippines

 

---

From: Mamugay, Melanie
Sent: Thursday, August 16, 2007 1:58 PM
Subject: Hi!

Hi Fritz!

 

Today is my last day in this company so basically, this station is all yours until my replacement arrives.

 

I woke up early this morning, happy and excited, packing my stuff.  I went here in the office, and as usual, started this pc.  As this booted into OS, I realize the icon of my messenger changed.  I opened it and violah! MSN turned into Windows Live Messenger, not the version that I've been using for one year, two months, and fifteen days.  It is actually fine, but I have some important features that are only useful with MSN.  I suppose you have something to do with this, as you're the only one who uses this station.

 

If you haven't noticed yet, I uninstalled both messengers.  I also uninstalled all the tools I was using that might be very helpful for you.  I hope you don't mind.  After all, you didn't mind it when you installed Windows Live Messenger, did you?

 

A word of advice: search.

-->  Search for files, directories, programs, or applications before doing anything, which might be nasty to other people.

 

Anyway, good luck!

 

Oh!  Before I forget, please mind your internet usage.  Not that I know you have a big usage, but I just want to remind you.  Friendly advice only.  We don't want the admin to call PSW's attention, do we?  ITS is tracking the usage, I guess they already told you in your orientation.  I guess they also told you new hires about the termination history of an employee before due to his high internet usage.  Just have a clean record. OK?

 

Regards,

Melay

Last Day, not a good start in the office

Today's my last day here in the company (tomorrow, actually...but i'll be on leave tomorrow). I started the day early since I still have to pack some of my remaining stuffs. I was actively arranging my things, happy and excited. Then I went here in the office early.

Well, i didn't have a good start in the office. As I boot my system up, and into OS, I noticed my messenger icon changed. When I logged in, I noticed it's a different application. My night shift partner installed Windows Live Messenger and my MSN was overwritten. To my anger, I deleted both MSN and Windows Live Messenger, and all the other tools that I've been using that might also be helpful for him. That includes my windows index search app, PDF maker, and post it app. I also uninstalled added features for some of the default applications. In addition to this, I deleted all my installers. grrrrrr...

My last day and not so good! Fortunately, my fiance will meet me this afternoon. I hope this will change my mood for today.

Trying with Yahoo to Blogger

I'm trying with my yahoo account if this works...^_^

^Melay^

www.gwapako.com

---

Sick sense of humor? Visit Yahoo! TV's Comedy with an Edge to see what's on, when.

********************
I guess I can't include attachments. Hehehe

Character Tests

I've come accross a blog of a college classmate and seen one of those "what character are you" tests. Since I'm a fan of Death Note, I tried it. Here's the result.

Your Score: ISTJ
You scored 70% introversion, 21% intuition, 57% thinking, and 71% judging!

ABOUT THE TEST
This personality test is heavily based on the Kiersey Sorter. In essence, it measures your personality across four variables: Introversion-Extraversion, Intuition-Sensing, Thinking-Feeling and Judging-Percieving. There are both positive and negative attributes to each of the traits.
Introversion-Extraversion: Generally, people who score high on "introversion" are reserved, quiet people who keep to themselves whereas people who score low on "introversion" are outgoing, friendly people who are extraverts.

Intuition-Sensing: People who score high on "intuition" are guided by gut instinct, they go on intuition as opposed to people who score low on this trait, who prefer to rely on established fact and their senses, rather than their own belief.

Thinking-Feeling: People with high scores on "thinking" rely more on their head to make decisions, whereas people who score low on "thinking" rely more on their heart to guide them. (Note: this has no bearing on a person's intelligence level; it merely refers to the way in which they make desicions.)

Judging-Percieving: People who score high "judging" are firm, decisisive people, whereas people who score low on this trait are flexible, accomodating people.

YOUR RESULTS
Stats: Approximately 12% of population.

DN characters with this type: Soichiro Yagami, Mogi, Teru Mikami.

In a nutshell: "Doing what should be done."

Desciption: Serious and quiet, interested in security and peaceful living. Extremely thorough, responsible, and dependable. Well-developed powers of concentration. Usually interested in supporting and promoting traditions and establishments. Well-organized and hard working, they work steadily towards identified goals. They can usually accomplish any task once they have set their mind to it.

Trying

Hello! I'm just trying some features of Blogger and this is one of them. So...here it goes!

Regards,

Melanie P. Mamugay
Software Development Engineer
Cebu Development Center, Inc.
e-Office One Asiatown IT Park,
Apas, Lahug, Cebu City 6000 Philippines
( +(63-32) 234 9133

È +(63) 906 907 9962

È +(63) 922 406 7952
* mm185106@ncr.com

******************************

******************************

It worked! Hahaha!

Last Week, Ashamed

Don't get me wrong there. "Last week" and "ashamed" are different stories.

Well, this is my last week here in the company. Next week will be the start of my jobless journey (but the beginning of being a full-time mom..hehehe). But what the heck! This is only my last week in the company, not my last week being alive. Hehehe. So why not enjoy my last moments here in Cebu.

Second thing, I watched "Rated K" by Korina Sanchez last night. The topic was about being ashamed. Well, there was one topic about obesity. They were as if in a rally or something, shouting: "Bakit ako mahihiya?" (Why should I be ashamed?) Well, that kept me thinking..^_^

Globe, Noypi!

I almost forgot what to blog about today. It's a good thing I happen to pass by the Globe Telecom building here in IT Park, on my way back to the office.







First off, Globe's new logo.


Have you seen the so-called news broadcasts of ABS-CBN since Saturday? Mysterious signs were appearing all over the Philippines. Last night was the unmasking of the reason why those "signs" were created. At first, I thought it was the new station ID of ABS-CBN. But then again, at the end of the presentation, it was after all, the launching of Globe's new logo. I'd say, it's looks better than the previous one. I just hope the services also get better. hehehe. But with the presentation of Globe's services as a whole, two words can describe it -- "Simple" yet "Amazing".

Second stop is the TV show entitle "Noypi! Ikaw ba 'to?" with host, Gabe Mercado. This is the reason why I stayed up very late last night, and now, I'm feeling a little dizzy. hehehe.

Anyway, last night's the first episode of their month-long anniversary celebration. The show featured Nikki (of Going Bulilit) as a streetchild, Yayo and William Martinez as couples who's living depends on plastics and boxes, and Joross as a person with skin disease.

I was really touched to see that inspite of growing crimes here in the Philippines, there are still good Samaritans who are willing to help those who need. (I salute them!) But there are just some people who have no heart at all, and that immediately judge other people by the way they look. *sigh But at least, there are still good people, right? And it's a reason to live harmoniously. (Charr!)

Leaving

As everybody knows, I'm leaving, and just counting the days. It's sad to let go of something that made me happy for a period of time, and helped me a lot to grow. But, that's life.

Anyway, what made this flight amazingly happy is the statement my mentor gave me, infront of the Verifications Team. In my resignation, I stated that I will be moving back to my hometown, Kidapz. But I think she forgot. hehehe

She told me, it's hard to let me go (I guess with my more than a year's experience, I became valuable...hehehe). And what's funny is that she proposed that I can do part-time job with NCR. She kept on talking - that she's also doing part-time job with the company, and that it is also feasible. Not until she stopped that I explained everything to her. I told her: "Sue, I'm leaving Cebu for good." And we were all laughing.

Off the record, I know I'm gonna miss my job, as well as my officemates.

One Matters

It was my birthday yesterday (yey?). My friends and relatives started texting me since Monday, saying their hellos and greeted me with joy.

Almost everybody greeted me. Yes, almost, not all. My husband, family, relatives who could contact me, and friends, greeted me, but one. The most important person in my life didn't call me, nor text me. Nada...(*sigh)

I don't feel like my birthday at all. I was so down, and just wanted the day to end (fast), rather, skip the whole day. On the contrary, the presents my hubby gave me yesterday (pink flowers and a teddy), uplifted my feelings a little bit.

But somehow, this particular one greeting, which didn't come, affected my mood yesterday. (*sigh) So much for having a birthday.

Bad Day

I was trying my best to control my temper yesterday so as not to ruin this day. Unfortunately, bad luck has it's ways.

So, despite my effort to make this day happy, at the end of the day (perhaps, at the middle of the day), all my effort was useless. I was swept by my emotions, and burst into tears. I just wished this day didn't come. *sigh

*************

I forgot! Added to my sentiments: my salary today is not at all satisfying. huhuhu...This is really not a good day for me. =(

White Lies

There comes a time in our lives that we feel really down. Someone gives advices and lifts up your sad feeling. Then, you'll suddenly feel confident of yourself. You're happy and you'll move on.

Then all of a sudden, when you are now really proud and confident, the same someone would say "I think you misunderstood" or "I don't think you know what really happened". There we go again, your self-esteem decreases again.

Sometimes, there are just some things that MUST be left unsaid. And, thus, the existence of white lies. But which should I prefer? I'm confused. *sigh

Even Better

I cried so hard last night. An officemate told her story about the technical interview she got on our company before. I was shocked when she told us that she forgot about SDLC, which was asked to her by her would-be TL that time, but she became a developer. So last night, I asked myself: "Why did I become a QA?"

Life is really unfair. So I cried so hard because it was unjust. My eyes was starting to swell, but Joemz was giving an advice. Well, thanks to him, I stopped crying. I thought: "Yeah, why should I cry? I can't do anything now, but I can't feel sorry forever, either."

So there it is, before I sleep, I said to myself, tomorrow, I will not feel low. Then I prayed to God to give me strength to continue. So this morning, I walked towards the office, saying: "I am only a QA, but I'm a lot better than several of the developers here!"

Now I'm smiling! ^_^

Listening?

Have you ever experienced being so stressed out and worried and feel that your world has fallen apart? It's nice to have someone who would listen to all your complains, that would willingly submit his or herself to you while you are whining about what happened to you or how unfortunate you were.

Well, so much for that. Maybe I shouldn't expect someone to do such thing for me. After all, no ones like that anymore. If there is, he/she is one of "endangered species". And I know for a fact, I'm not a good listener either. So for myself...SHUT UP!

Busy???

No, I'm not. I was busy this morning, but not anymore. *sigh

Our server is having it's down time again (in short, no work!). I don't have a copy of my scripts' steps, so now I'm not doing anything. I remembered some, and that's what I did this morning. But right now, BUM!

My solution? I'm busying myself with editing my pictures. I have this GIMP software that works like photoshop. I started editing this morning with my resume's picture. Yep, resume.

I'm enjoying it anyway. It's my way of filling spaces in between office hourse. I'd rather modify images and learn graphics that browsing through the internet, and momentarily increase my usage (bad record!! hehehe)

So that's it. I'm not busy with work, I'm busy with other non-work-related things -- PICTURES!!!

Shocked!!! Frustrated!!!

I wasn't the one who was shocked, but thanks for your concern. Hehehe. My friends back in high school were shocked with my news. =p
But I'm the one who got frustrated this morning.

Two of my high school classmates texted me last night (namely Kristian and Art. hehehe). I was eating dinner and they were hurrying me up because they wanted to meet with me. *sigh Anyway, they asked for my help in looking for an apartment or a room for rent. Kristian will be staying here in Cebu soon, and he needs a place near IT Park (he'll start training on Monday). Currently, he's staying in Labangon, together with one of his barkada (also one of our classmates before). Art, on the other hand, is living here (also in Apas), but has no experience of looking for a house/room to be rented.

Anyway, while waiting (I didn't actually know what we were waiting for last night..hihi), they we're telling my stories about our former classmates, that one of our classmates is pregnant. My reaction was plain, and they were like "OK, wala siya na-shock" (OK, she isn't surprised at all). I mean, if you have a son and you heard a news that someone's pregnant, who would be surprised? Well, they didn't know about my baby. So I told them "Ako, dili mo mangutana? Naa na ko anak" (How about me, wouldn't you ask me? I already have a son.). They were like "Ei? Atik?!?" (Really?). They couldn't believe what I just said and the thought kept hanging on their heads. They wouldn't believe me until I showed them my son's pictures.

OK, after looking for a house, we went to Ayala to meet another classmate (Herlene). Before we got in the mall, we met Grace, one of our batchmates (now Kidapawan is starting to flock here in Cebu. hehehe). We decided to take out some food and drop by her pad in Golden Prince Hotel to have a chat. We met with Herlene inside and bought pizza, then to Golden Prince. We were having a good chat until Grace asked me how I was doing. Kristian was like "Sige na, Mel. Ingna si Maming (Grace)" (Go ahead, Mel. Tell Maming).

So there! As I was breaking the news, she was like "Wait! Wait! Wait!". Herlene couldn't believe it herself. The idea of me getting pregnant and having a child is really different from what they expected. It was so hard for them to absorb the news. Hehehe...so there! they were shocked!

Second part, I was really frustrated this morning. I was on my way to Alto Manpower Services, the agency that got me that stupid helper. Their office is the 2nd floor Ouano Building, Banilad, Cebu. The traffic was so heavy and I was starting to get pissed off. When I was already downstairs, they texted me, they can't give the refund that I asked. So there, I went in and started telling them how their f**cked up agency got me into trouble. My voice is already high (but I'm not yelling), and the secretary was like "Wala man gud napirmahan ni Ma'am and withdrawal slip. Nya, tu-a siya sa Bohol. Hatagan lang taka ug number niya, Ma'am para ma-text nimu siya" (Ma'am forgot to sigh the withdrawal slip and she's currently in Bohol. I'll just give you her number so that you can text her).

I was so furious while answering her back, my voice was already shaking because of anger. "Unsaon ko man nang number niya nga inyo na man kong naperwisyo? Musaad mo nga karon unya wala diay gihapon!" (What will I do with her number that you've already got me into a big trouble? You told me that I'll have it today, but then again, I get nothing!).

It was the first time that I showed great anger to other people that I don't even personally know. I'm always polite in confronting other people but this morning was different, I was raging with anger. But after I left the agency, on my way to the office, I felt really good.

Now thinking about it, what will happen if CAP still tells me that I still can't claim my four-semesters-worth reimbursment? Hmmmm

Mixed Emotions

I have this mixed emotions today.

First off, I'm very happy that my fiance visited me here in Cebu. He arrived in Cebu around 11pm last Friday and arrived home around 12mn. Saturday, we watched Harry Potter, and bought a new pair of eyeglasses for me. It was so costly and actually regret why I agreed to buy that. Nonetheless, I'm happy. He said, it's OK, by the way.
Anyway, the next day, we went to TimeZone to play. Then we got home, and sleep. Hehehe.
Then monday, his flight was 5pm. I was so sad because he's leaving again. And so we cherished every moment we have yesterday (that's why I was absent from work).

This morning, I woke up gloomy. But at least I feel happiness inside me, at least we were together for the weekend. I glad with that alone. I can still see a smile on my face whenever I remember the weekend. *sigh

For the second part of this blog, I already submitted my resignation letter to my manager, put our BU manager, HR Managers, Team Manager, TL, and Mentor on copy. My TL talked to me right after I emailed my first notice to him. I was forcing myself not to cry but I can't help it. It really hurts my feelings to leave the company, eventhough I'm not satisfied with my job. After talking to my TL, I e-mailed my formal resignation letter.

So here, I'm really, really sad. Part is because I'm here all alone again, and part is because I will be leaving this company soon. But mixed with sadness, I am happy. Part is by thinking about my weekend escapade, and part is by thinking I'm gonna be home soon, to my son.

Well, wish me luck!

Comfort Zone

I really feel down today.

My friend's mother died yesterday morning. She had a nervous breakdown I think last Saturday, and was comatosed Monday. And yesterday morning, my friend texted me that the doctor finally pronounced her mother's death.

I feel so useless. She's one of my closest friends (one of my few true friends, in fact) but I can't even be there to comfort her. I wanted to go home, be there for here, but I can't.

Tomorrow's the burial, but I can't go there. All I can do right now, given that I am far from my friends, is to pray, that she will be OK despite of what happend.

After what happened, I realize, it's a good thing I'm going home for good. I won't be far from my friends anymore. And most especially, I can be there on their side to help there. I've only got a few good and true friends, and I want to treasure that friendship.

About God

I stayed up late last night watching a movie feature in QTV. It was an old movie and I don't even know the title. But one thing that caught my attention in the movie was the old man who portrayed God in one of our movie reviews back in College. Surprisingly, he played as both God and the Devil in last night's movie.

Anyway, let's talk about the movie.
It's about a guy, wedding singer, who wanted more than he has. He had a wife who's contented with what they had, but he wanted more. He wanted to be a star. And so, the Devil made a deal with him (he didn't know he was the Devil at first). Bobby Sheldon (the wedding singer) agreed to be a celebrity. What he didn't know, he become someone he isn't (aka Billy Wayne). He former life was taken away from him, including his own wife (who knew another Bobby Sheldon after "Billy Wayne" signed the contract of the Devil). But he was famous, rich, and people adored him. He was into fornication.

Then he returned to his wife (who didn't know him at all, aside from the fact that he's the famous "Billy Wayne"). Then he knew that she was pregnant with his child. He wanted his life back. He seeked help from God (the same old man who portrayed the Devil), and God told him to pray.

"Billy Wayne" thought he was hopeless, so he thought of killing himself. In the other side of the story, God met with the Devil. They were in Las Vegas (imagine that???). God played with the Devil, with Billy's life in the line. If God wins, He gets the boy back, including his previous life. But the Devil wins, he gets the boy, and all the other people in God's list. Well, as we all know, God always wins. (yey!!!)

Then, as God won, "Billy Wayne" returned to his old self as Bobby Sheldon. And they all lived happily every after.

I remembered my bestfriend's text message. It was a quote from Jim Carrey: "I think everybody should get RICH and FAMOUS and do everything they ever dreamed of...so they can see that it's NOT the answer."

Bobby learned his lesson. And from the movie, I should be greatful for what I already have. We may have all the riches in the universe. But what is wealth if we don't have our loved ones? As the quote says, money isn't the answer for everything. And in times of hardships, we should not forget about God. He is always there to help us. And most of all, let's not forget about God if we receive blessings. We owe it all to Him. Amen.

Ipod...

My iPod froze last night...huhuhu...

My Brother gave me an iPod (take note: 2nd gen with 4GB capacity..waaaaaaa). My fiance set it up for me since I didn't know how. We loaded it up with anime theme songs, dance music, opm, nursery rhymes, etc (everything that I like). It is only a month old, and last night, it froze.

I recharged it yesterday, during work. I forgot about it, and rebooted my system. Two hours later, I remembered that the iPod was attached to my PC and I immediately detached it. I kept it inside my cabinet, since I can't use it yet during office hours. When I was about to go home, I turned it on. After choosing a song, there it was, frozen! huhuhu

So there, the whole night, my iPod was on. I know because the backlight was on. When I woke up this morning, the battery's out. Now, I'm recharging it again (hopefully I won't forget it anymore), and I'm crossing my fingers. Wish me luck.

Memories

Just browsing thru Nykes pictures..may nakita lang ako..^_^

wawa si Cathy M...=)

Tatay na si Joey..hehehe

Hari ng singit:

(naluoy ko kay Ate Tin...hehehe)

maski sa amung office...

kataw-anan lang jud ni:

nalingaw ko kang Thea

alin..alin...alin ang naiba...(*singing)

(except sa singit king...^_^)

hilom-hilom lang ang uban..^_^ peace, Che..=P

The best picture is...ang F4

Inspirational Song

I really love this song by Carrie Underwood. I love the message. Now that I have a son, I just realize how touching this song is.

Jesus Take the Wheel

She was driving last Friday on her way to Cincinnati

On a snow white Christmas Eve

Going home to see her Mama and her Daddy

with the baby in the backseat

Fifty miles to go and she was running low on faith and gasoline

It'd been a long hard year

She had a lot on her mind and she didn't pay attention

she was going way too fast

Before she knew it she was spinning on a thin black sheet of glass

She saw both their lives flash before her eyes

She didn't even have time to cry

She was sooo scared

She threw her hands up in the air

Jesus take the wheel

Take it from my hands

Cause I can't do this on my own

I'm letting go

So give me one more chance

To save me from this road I'm on

Jesus take the wheel

It was still getting colder when she made it to the shoulder

And the car came to a stop

She cried when she saw that baby in the backseat sleeping like a rock

And for the first time in a long time

She bowed her head to pray

She said I'm sorry for the way

I've been living my life

I know I've got to change

So from now on tonight

Jesus take the wheel

Take it from my hands

Cause I can't do this on my own

I'm letting go

So give me one more chance

To save me from this road I'm on

Oh, Jesus take the wheel
Oh, I'm letting go

So give me one more chance

Save me from this road I'm on

From this road I'm on

Jesus take the wheel

Oh, take it, take it from me

Oh, why, oh

I really love the song!!!

huh???

I really wonder why there are people close to you and yet, they really can't understand you.

I guess one can't really expect people to understand him/her, even if they've known each other or they've been together for quite some time. What's worse, they'd tell you "You really don't understand me". huh????

*sigh

Another day in the office. But starting today, the full-flex-time is effective. Weeeeeee...Anyway, there's no so much impact on my side.

Anyway, my brother already left, back to Bahrain. He's flight was 1 am this morning. He was here in Cebu yesterday at 12:30 noon. He just stayed in the hotel. I never got the chance to see him before he left. I wanted to, but he was resting in the afternoon, and at night, he didn't want to go out (he's afraid..hehehe). I really wished I saw him yesterday. *sigh

Well, there he is, on his way to Bahrain, broken-hearted. He said he misses his daughter already. Well, even I would miss my son if I have to leave for work. He said, they already explained to her what happened to them. He was worried about my niece. I am too. I know her, and I know what she feels, because, we are the same. I just hope I can come home soon to take care of her, and help her. It's tough, especially that she's maintaining her grades. I believe it will affect her studies. I just hope we can still see her, that my sister can still play with her. =(

Well, got to work now.

"Original Plan", is ther such thing as plan???

Have you ever felt so much disappointed in your life because you won't be able to meet your original plan? Well, I have.

When I started working here in Cebu, I've got a lot of plans. I don't want to stay in this field forever, so I decided to make stepping stones for myself.
1. Work here for two years (or least have some savings)
2. Resign from this job, go home and re-apply for another one (since I have saved here, money is not an issue anymore)
3. Get another degree in college (2nd courser - BSA or BSBA, business-related)
4. Graduate and take board exam (if applicable)
5. Either resign from job and get another, accountant perhaps, OR put up business
6. Get married and have children.

Before I got this first job, even before I got into college, I said to myself, planning isn't important. I'll just go with the flow. This is because I didn't plan to study Computer Science. But after graduating, I planned my life carefully. I've got a wonderful plan. And when I got here, I was happy - the first phase.

A lot of wonderful things played in my mind. I am away from my family, I can be as independent as I want, and I have a high-paying job. I know I can save money for a second course. But my plan was...let's say..destroyed??? The moment I got pregnant, I knew for myself, I can't continue to step up. Getting pregnant was a huge roadblock that I can't get thru.

All of a sudden, I'm a mother. Single parent, that is. The original plan was ruined, and there's no way to turn back time, or to return to the road that I've set. The supposed-to-be smooth-sailing journey became so rough, and there's no way out. I sank.

Hmmm..getting back to the original plan. At least I finished the first year of my first stage (with no savings at all); I jumped into step 6 (not totally since I have a child first before getting married); then going back to step 2, resigning and reapplying for a job (but money is still a very big issue); and no more steps 3, 4, and 5. What a plan, huh?

I don't have plans again. And I don't want to make one anymore. I don't believe in plans. I guess I'll stick to what I believe before, don't make plans - just go with the flow and see what happens. Plans are dumb.

Help Us...

Hello again! It's been a long time. Well, I've been very busy lately. I've got no time for chitchats. Got a long list of things to catch up.

To start off, I've got gastritis (that's just great!!!). When I was in elementary, I almost got UTI. In college, hyperacidity, which almost lead to ulcer. And now, this! The doctor said it's because of stress. Gosh! Only a QA but got sick because of stress. Hehe..It's not the real reason anyway. Reason is, I always thought of my son left in our hometown, then my brother who got separated, and finally, my parents who are about to be separated. Great family, huh??? *sigh...I've been thinking too much.

Enough about me!

My Brother, as I've said, got separated. I hope he's OK. Then my parents, I believe, are just friends now who live under one roof. They don't sleep together anymore, my mother found a reason not to. She's sleeping with my son. But despite her belief that they're just friends, my father still loves her. I know that.

Nyway, my Sister, is pregnant again, her second child. But last week, before her birthday (she's supposed to be Juana..hehehe), she was taken to the hospital -- bleeding. She originally got a flu, which lead to fever. If my memory serves me right, she got hospitalized for three days, two nights. Now, she just waiting. After two weeks, she'll have an ultrasound again to see if the child survived. =(

I'm here, smiling infront of my teammates. But deep inside, I am miserable. What have we done to deserve this? All of us are facing this big challenge -- big problems. I worry that we won't make it. But I don't lose hope. I pray that we can overcome this obstacle. *sigh

Jamiel Myles 2

I am posting new pictures of my son. I just downloaded them from my phone. Enjoy...

Here are new ones.

Here's when he was one day old.

Here's when he's more than a month old.

Server Problems

New tasks came in today, testers will be very busy now. We'll be tackling the Linux version of our software, and we're still in the process of learning it (from insalling Linux to our terminals, to installing mounting it to the network, to installing the software itself). *sigh...so much to do, so little time.

Anyway, we've got bigger problems. We cannot access ALL our servers, they are not connected to the company's network. We have to ask help from our ITS so that we can access it again. *sigh

We can't do anything work-related until these problems are solved. I hope we can start soon.

Well, that's all for now. I'll be posting more of my son's pictures...:D

Pirates...Internet

I finally watched Pirates of the Carribean. I'm really happy, thanks baby. But the happiness isn't that complete because I was alone. I still prefer watching it with him. It's a good thing he downloaded the movie, we're gonna watch it again, together...(bleh!)

Anyway, I'm satisfied now. I've watched the movie, and able to finish the trilogy. I'm contented with that alone.

After the movie, I ate my lunch (at 3pm). Hehehe. Then I decided to surf the internet. I opened my Yahoo! Messenger, so that I can chat with my fiance. I was able to chat with him, but my account got a virus. Grrrrrrrrrrrrr...

I had this message to click for a link. The message was sent to all my contact. huuhhuhu....I guess the virus will be forever...*sob

I really hate internet cafes. I just wish I have my own personal computer in my boarding house, connected to the internet. *sigh

I'm going home, anyway. If I have enough money, I'll increase the RAM (so that it won't be that SLOW anymore), and connect it to the internet. *sigh

Movie again....Surprise...

I am actually doing nothing again. I was browsing thru our Test Director a while ago, but now, BUM!

From my last post, I shared that I wanted to watch Pirates of the Carribean, but he didn't allow me. I felt so down because I planned it for days, but I was disappointed. Monday night, I asked for his permission again (so that I could watch yesterday), and he said no, but later said, OK. I was happy that he did say yes, but that happiness was actually gone because from his tone, I know (I believe), he wouldn't want me to go.

He was like: "Tan-aw na gani Pirates, para sa aku-a...(Go ahead and watch Pirates, for me)", but I just know that he'll make me feel sorry for watching it alone. He always does that, making me feel guilty.

So there, as I said in my previous post, I didn't watch the movie, I went to the office, and do nothing. I was frustrated, but I can't do anything.

This morning, he was telling me again to watch, but it's too late (maybe not). He was asking for forgiveness, that I can watch the movie. OK, let's see. So at noon, I decided, OK, I'll watch tomorrow. I'll take a day off, rest in the morning (just as I planned for yesterday, supposedly), and watch the movie in the afternoon.

Anyway, my fiancee told me this morning that he had a hunch, I'll receive a mail. I don't want to put some hopes and be disappointed again so I told him not to tell me about his hunch. Of course, I didn't believe him (again...*sigh). But at noon, when I got back from lunch, the front desk called, and said I have some flowers. I was shocked, and I couldn't believe the operator as well. I inquired, "Sure??? Mamugay???" He said yes, and from my husband...hehehe

It's really a surprise 'coz I can't think any reason why he would send me some flowers. I also thought, "What's the date today?" It's June 13 and from what I remembered, there's no occassion. I was actually cursing, and asked him what about those flowers.

In the note, he was apologizing, wanting me to watch. Well, the flowers didn't really help, since I already forgave him before the roses came in. But I must admit, it was kinda cute. He really sent some flowers for my apology. ^_^ Well, that's sweet.

*sigh
At least now, I'm happy that I can watch. He's happy that everything's fine between us, now. And most of all, I'm really happy because there's no fight today, we didn't fight. ^_^

I really miss him.