"Original Plan", is ther such thing as plan???

Have you ever felt so much disappointed in your life because you won't be able to meet your original plan? Well, I have.

When I started working here in Cebu, I've got a lot of plans. I don't want to stay in this field forever, so I decided to make stepping stones for myself.
1. Work here for two years (or least have some savings)
2. Resign from this job, go home and re-apply for another one (since I have saved here, money is not an issue anymore)
3. Get another degree in college (2nd courser - BSA or BSBA, business-related)
4. Graduate and take board exam (if applicable)
5. Either resign from job and get another, accountant perhaps, OR put up business
6. Get married and have children.

Before I got this first job, even before I got into college, I said to myself, planning isn't important. I'll just go with the flow. This is because I didn't plan to study Computer Science. But after graduating, I planned my life carefully. I've got a wonderful plan. And when I got here, I was happy - the first phase.

A lot of wonderful things played in my mind. I am away from my family, I can be as independent as I want, and I have a high-paying job. I know I can save money for a second course. But my plan was...let's say..destroyed??? The moment I got pregnant, I knew for myself, I can't continue to step up. Getting pregnant was a huge roadblock that I can't get thru.

All of a sudden, I'm a mother. Single parent, that is. The original plan was ruined, and there's no way to turn back time, or to return to the road that I've set. The supposed-to-be smooth-sailing journey became so rough, and there's no way out. I sank.

Hmmm..getting back to the original plan. At least I finished the first year of my first stage (with no savings at all); I jumped into step 6 (not totally since I have a child first before getting married); then going back to step 2, resigning and reapplying for a job (but money is still a very big issue); and no more steps 3, 4, and 5. What a plan, huh?

I don't have plans again. And I don't want to make one anymore. I don't believe in plans. I guess I'll stick to what I believe before, don't make plans - just go with the flow and see what happens. Plans are dumb.

Help Us...

Hello again! It's been a long time. Well, I've been very busy lately. I've got no time for chitchats. Got a long list of things to catch up.

To start off, I've got gastritis (that's just great!!!). When I was in elementary, I almost got UTI. In college, hyperacidity, which almost lead to ulcer. And now, this! The doctor said it's because of stress. Gosh! Only a QA but got sick because of stress. Hehe..It's not the real reason anyway. Reason is, I always thought of my son left in our hometown, then my brother who got separated, and finally, my parents who are about to be separated. Great family, huh??? *sigh...I've been thinking too much.

Enough about me!

My Brother, as I've said, got separated. I hope he's OK. Then my parents, I believe, are just friends now who live under one roof. They don't sleep together anymore, my mother found a reason not to. She's sleeping with my son. But despite her belief that they're just friends, my father still loves her. I know that.

Nyway, my Sister, is pregnant again, her second child. But last week, before her birthday (she's supposed to be Juana..hehehe), she was taken to the hospital -- bleeding. She originally got a flu, which lead to fever. If my memory serves me right, she got hospitalized for three days, two nights. Now, she just waiting. After two weeks, she'll have an ultrasound again to see if the child survived. =(

I'm here, smiling infront of my teammates. But deep inside, I am miserable. What have we done to deserve this? All of us are facing this big challenge -- big problems. I worry that we won't make it. But I don't lose hope. I pray that we can overcome this obstacle. *sigh

Jamiel Myles 2

I am posting new pictures of my son. I just downloaded them from my phone. Enjoy...

Here are new ones.

Here's when he was one day old.

Here's when he's more than a month old.

Server Problems

New tasks came in today, testers will be very busy now. We'll be tackling the Linux version of our software, and we're still in the process of learning it (from insalling Linux to our terminals, to installing mounting it to the network, to installing the software itself). *sigh...so much to do, so little time.

Anyway, we've got bigger problems. We cannot access ALL our servers, they are not connected to the company's network. We have to ask help from our ITS so that we can access it again. *sigh

We can't do anything work-related until these problems are solved. I hope we can start soon.

Well, that's all for now. I'll be posting more of my son's pictures...:D

Pirates...Internet

I finally watched Pirates of the Carribean. I'm really happy, thanks baby. But the happiness isn't that complete because I was alone. I still prefer watching it with him. It's a good thing he downloaded the movie, we're gonna watch it again, together...(bleh!)

Anyway, I'm satisfied now. I've watched the movie, and able to finish the trilogy. I'm contented with that alone.

After the movie, I ate my lunch (at 3pm). Hehehe. Then I decided to surf the internet. I opened my Yahoo! Messenger, so that I can chat with my fiance. I was able to chat with him, but my account got a virus. Grrrrrrrrrrrrr...

I had this message to click for a link. The message was sent to all my contact. huuhhuhu....I guess the virus will be forever...*sob

I really hate internet cafes. I just wish I have my own personal computer in my boarding house, connected to the internet. *sigh

I'm going home, anyway. If I have enough money, I'll increase the RAM (so that it won't be that SLOW anymore), and connect it to the internet. *sigh

Movie again....Surprise...

I am actually doing nothing again. I was browsing thru our Test Director a while ago, but now, BUM!

From my last post, I shared that I wanted to watch Pirates of the Carribean, but he didn't allow me. I felt so down because I planned it for days, but I was disappointed. Monday night, I asked for his permission again (so that I could watch yesterday), and he said no, but later said, OK. I was happy that he did say yes, but that happiness was actually gone because from his tone, I know (I believe), he wouldn't want me to go.

He was like: "Tan-aw na gani Pirates, para sa aku-a...(Go ahead and watch Pirates, for me)", but I just know that he'll make me feel sorry for watching it alone. He always does that, making me feel guilty.

So there, as I said in my previous post, I didn't watch the movie, I went to the office, and do nothing. I was frustrated, but I can't do anything.

This morning, he was telling me again to watch, but it's too late (maybe not). He was asking for forgiveness, that I can watch the movie. OK, let's see. So at noon, I decided, OK, I'll watch tomorrow. I'll take a day off, rest in the morning (just as I planned for yesterday, supposedly), and watch the movie in the afternoon.

Anyway, my fiancee told me this morning that he had a hunch, I'll receive a mail. I don't want to put some hopes and be disappointed again so I told him not to tell me about his hunch. Of course, I didn't believe him (again...*sigh). But at noon, when I got back from lunch, the front desk called, and said I have some flowers. I was shocked, and I couldn't believe the operator as well. I inquired, "Sure??? Mamugay???" He said yes, and from my husband...hehehe

It's really a surprise 'coz I can't think any reason why he would send me some flowers. I also thought, "What's the date today?" It's June 13 and from what I remembered, there's no occassion. I was actually cursing, and asked him what about those flowers.

In the note, he was apologizing, wanting me to watch. Well, the flowers didn't really help, since I already forgave him before the roses came in. But I must admit, it was kinda cute. He really sent some flowers for my apology. ^_^ Well, that's sweet.

*sigh
At least now, I'm happy that I can watch. He's happy that everything's fine between us, now. And most of all, I'm really happy because there's no fight today, we didn't fight. ^_^

I really miss him.

Movies...nothing to work, but in the office

It's been a long time since I've watch movies in the big screen. There are a lot of movies that I wanted to watch, but due to certain circumstances, I just can't. *sigh

Anyway, Pirates of the Carribean is one movie that I loved to watch in the big screen. I've watched both the first and second parts of the trilogy in the movie theater, and I really want to watch this last one in the theater, too. I was so excited that I finally found a time to watch this. The original plan was, I am very much willing to take a day off from work just to watch the movie. But I didn't. Here I am in the office, doing nothing. And I guess it will be too late this Saturday, I think it will be replaced with a new one.

*sigh...because I failed to watch this in the big screen, I don't think I will be happy to watch Harry Potter. hmmm..I think I won't be able to watch Harry Potter, too. It's either I can't watch it anymore...or because of other circumstances again. *sigh...I just wished I didn't start watching the first parts of these movies, only to find out I can't continue watching the next ones.

*sigh...regrets!

Alone Again

*sigh

I'm alone again.
My son's not with me anymore, he's at my father's. They want him to stay there because it's safer for him, the environment that is. Not that I worry too much, I know that my son is in good hands. They love him and would take good care of him. And my cousin, the one babysitting my son, would probably enjoy there more since she's with our family.

But I'm alone here, and I miss him so much. Last night was the first night that we're apart, and I cried hard everytime I see his comforter. *sigh

I want to go home soon. I'll finish everything, and every obligation early so that I can be with my son soon.

Plus, my boobs hurt now. I wonder if he's fine and drinks milk well. I pray he won't get hungry. *sigh

Pros and Cons

As you all know, at my very young age (I'm 21, by the way), I already have a son. It's just four months after I graduated when I got pregnant. I didn't get married, I don't want to. Well, not yet.

The reason why I don't want to get married early because I don't want to get pregnant that early. I don't want to have a family of my own, not now (maybe when I older). I wanted to enjoy my life after I graduated. No commitments, no responsibilities. I was deprived of these joys when I was still studying, and I knew that these will be given to me after I graduated. I studied hard so that I won't disappoint my family, and so that they will give me my freedom.

Yes, they gave me my freedom. They allowed me to work away from them. But someone else took it away from me. I got pregnant. All I can think of that time was that "I'm imprisoned again". I was not happy at all.

Well, nine months later, I gave birth. I was not alone, though, since he was there by my side. But just two weeks later, he left. I'm alone, with a child that I didn't want in the first place. But what can I do? I AM STUPID! It's too late. We can't turn back the time. I'm stuck with a responsibility, and he's there, free to do whatever he can. I actually regret the day that I allowed him to sleep in my house. *sigh...Regrets!

Anyway, I can't do anything now. I can't kill my own son just to have my freedom back. I'm desperate, but not crazy. Now, all I can do is to take care of him, and love him. After all, he's a cute baby.

However, having a baby at a very young age is not always fun.
Pros:
- Fun if he's happy
- He's cute and huggable and lovable
- Makes you feel refreshed even if you're tired from work
- In the future, someone will come running to you, hug you, kiss you, and say "I love you, Mommy"
- You'll be proud of him, even if he's hard-headed, and say with heads up, "This is my son"

Cons:
- You'll have to wake up in the middle of the night to quite him down
- Not enough sleep
- Expensive baby things (especially the milk and diapers)
- Can't travel really far without him (believe me, you'll feel irresponsible if you do)
- Can't have outings
- Can't enjoy the pleasures of a single person (even if you're a single parent)
- And YOU CAN'T GO OUT WITH YOUR FRIENDS ANYMORE.

Well, this is what I get for being too emotional. *sigh
Now, I'm not free anymore. I'm forever stuck with someone. And this coming December, we will be bind forever.

Hmmmm...looking at the brighter side, I enjoyed being single for FOUR MONTHS. I THINK THAT'S LONG ENOUGH. What do you think???

Best Court Room Laughs..=)

These are from a book called "Disorder in the American Courts", and are things people actually said in Court, word for word, taken down and now published by Court reporters who had the torment of staying calm while these exchanges were actually taking place._______________________________________ ______________________________
ATTORNEY: Are you sexually active?WITNESS: No, I just lie there._______________________________________ ______________________________
ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact? WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks._______________________________________ ______________________________
ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?WITNESS: Yes.ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory? WITNESS: I forget.ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you forgot?_______________________________________ ______________________________
ATTORNEY: How old is your son, the one living with you? WITNESS: Thirty-eight or 35, I can't remember which.ATTORNEY: How long has he lived with you?WITNESS: Forty-five years._______________________________________ ______________________________
ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you that morning?WITNESS: He said, "Where am I, Cathy?"ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you?WITNESS: My name is Susan._______________________________________ ______________________________
ATTORNEY: Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved in voodoo? WITNESS: We both do.ATTORNEY: Voodoo?WITNESS: We do.ATTORNEY: You do?WITNESS: Yes, voodoo._______________________________________ ______________________________
ATTORNEY: Now, doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning?WITNESS: Did you actually pass the Bar exam?_______________________________________ ______________________________
ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the 21-year old, how old is he? WITNESS: Uh, he's 21._______________________________________ ______________________________
ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken?WITNESS: Would you repeat the question?_______________________________________ ______________________________
ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?WITNESS: Yes.ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time?WITNESS: Uh......_______________________________________ ______________________________
ATTORNEY: She had three children, right?WITNESS: Yes.ATTORNEY: How many were boys?WITNESS: None.ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?_______________________________________ ______________________________
ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?WITNESS: By death.ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?_______________________________________ ______________________________
ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual? WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard.ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female?_______________________________________ ______________________________
ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a Deposition notice which I sent to your attorney? WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work._______________________________________ ______________________________
ATTORNEY: Doctor, how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people?WITNESS: All my autopsies are performed on dead people._______________________________________ ______________________________
ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, okay? What school did you go to?WITNESS: Oral._______________________________________ ______________________________
ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8.30 p.m.ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time? WITNESS: No, he was sitting on a table wondering why I was doing an autopsy on him!_______________________________________ ______________________________
ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a urine sample? WITNESS: Huh?_______________________________________ ______________________________
ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check or a pulse?WITNESS: No.ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure? WITNESS: No.ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?WITNESS: No.ATTORNEY: So, then, it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?WITNESS: No.ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, doctor? WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.ATTORNEY: But could the patient have still been alive nevertheless?WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law.