Best Court Room Laughs..=)

These are from a book called "Disorder in the American Courts", and are things people actually said in Court, word for word, taken down and now published by Court reporters who had the torment of staying calm while these exchanges were actually taking place._______________________________________ ______________________________
ATTORNEY: Are you sexually active?WITNESS: No, I just lie there._______________________________________ ______________________________
ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact? WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks._______________________________________ ______________________________
ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?WITNESS: Yes.ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory? WITNESS: I forget.ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you forgot?_______________________________________ ______________________________
ATTORNEY: How old is your son, the one living with you? WITNESS: Thirty-eight or 35, I can't remember which.ATTORNEY: How long has he lived with you?WITNESS: Forty-five years._______________________________________ ______________________________
ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you that morning?WITNESS: He said, "Where am I, Cathy?"ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you?WITNESS: My name is Susan._______________________________________ ______________________________
ATTORNEY: Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved in voodoo? WITNESS: We both do.ATTORNEY: Voodoo?WITNESS: We do.ATTORNEY: You do?WITNESS: Yes, voodoo._______________________________________ ______________________________
ATTORNEY: Now, doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning?WITNESS: Did you actually pass the Bar exam?_______________________________________ ______________________________
ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the 21-year old, how old is he? WITNESS: Uh, he's 21._______________________________________ ______________________________
ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken?WITNESS: Would you repeat the question?_______________________________________ ______________________________
ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?WITNESS: Yes.ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time?WITNESS: Uh......_______________________________________ ______________________________
ATTORNEY: She had three children, right?WITNESS: Yes.ATTORNEY: How many were boys?WITNESS: None.ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?_______________________________________ ______________________________
ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?WITNESS: By death.ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?_______________________________________ ______________________________
ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual? WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard.ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female?_______________________________________ ______________________________
ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a Deposition notice which I sent to your attorney? WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work._______________________________________ ______________________________
ATTORNEY: Doctor, how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people?WITNESS: All my autopsies are performed on dead people._______________________________________ ______________________________
ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, okay? What school did you go to?WITNESS: Oral._______________________________________ ______________________________
ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8.30 p.m.ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time? WITNESS: No, he was sitting on a table wondering why I was doing an autopsy on him!_______________________________________ ______________________________
ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a urine sample? WITNESS: Huh?_______________________________________ ______________________________
ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check or a pulse?WITNESS: No.ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure? WITNESS: No.ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?WITNESS: No.ATTORNEY: So, then, it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?WITNESS: No.ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, doctor? WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.ATTORNEY: But could the patient have still been alive nevertheless?WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law.