Looong Day!

And I mean veeerrrryyy looong day!

This is my very first time to work for 26 hours (33 hours minus the 7-hour break). From 9pm Tuesday, until 6am Thursday, I was doing my fixes and trying to deploy those fixes to the live site. I've got so little sleep and yesterday, I only had 4 hours of sleep.

*sigh
And what do I get from this hardwork? A tired body and a shaking left hand.

"It" Continues

I thought my misfortunes (mentioned in the post prior to this) stopped once I got home. I'm definitely wrong.

To cut the story short, I fell -- from the ladder with five steps. I've got bruises and wounds. My butt hurts as well as my head (I kinda landed flat, as if lying in the floor). Right now, the biggest wound still bleeds, and it limits my speed in typing. grrrrr.

Bad day (ermmm...night?)

I left home early for work. I think it was around 8:50pm. I rode the taxi, as usual. When I got here in the office, I was proud that I am early, and that I believed, nothing could go wrong. Guess what!

As I entered the campus, there were a group of students at a building. I glanced to see what they were doing. When I turned back, *poof*! I was humiliated. Not just a simple one, but major humiliation. huhuhu...I've never been this humiliated in front of other people. Curse their IRREGULAR landscape!!!

Second unpleasant thing, kept on doing everything wrong. That's it. I won't say much.

Third, the task that I thought I finished yesterday, isn't finished at all! There's so many things to do, and I don't I have the slightest idea on how to perform the tasks.

Lastly, new tasks have been added. huhuhu....

Can't barely speak...

Have someone ever felt so hopeless? Have you ever had the experience that you want to shout on someone's face something that you really want to say (something that you've been trying to tell him/her through your actions but s/he doesn't have any idea what you are trying to communicate) but can't say it because you're afraid s/he'll say "It's not possible".

*sigh
It's hard, isn't it? Sometimes I just wonder, "Man! When will you ever understand what I'm trying to imply???"

The Answer

I thinking about Claudia's advise, and it did help me to discern. I recalled what I did back in college and now I have some of the answers why I made it to the honor's list even though I don't really have the passion for it.


First, my goal. I set up my goal: to be at least one of the students in the honor's list. All my life I thought that I wouldn't make it. So when I enrolled in college, my mindset was "Come what may". But when I became one of the Dean's Listers, it gave hope to me. So I set that goal. To be one of my father's kids that he can be proud of.

Second, motivation. My father was one of my motivations. He used to tell me that I am weak. And his words became my challenge. I want to fight him, but I don't want to hurt him. And my goal was the only way that I can prove to him I'm worth his daughter. My anger was motivation. Well, that was the start. But as I continued studying, I met people and learn something. It's not good to be imprisoned with that anger. *sigh

Other than that of my father, I don't have the reason to stay home. So I guess I have no other choice. Besides, my place before was just one block away from the university. I don't have enough reason to be absent.

Lastly, believing in myself. My whole life back then was a mess. My father don't believe in me, I have no friends, and my siblings were also too busy to attend to my needs. So I have no one to attend to my needs. So whoelse will help me to achieve my goal? Only me. However, I wouldn't say that I was really alone. I have my fiance to guide me. (Thanks Baby)

So that kept me thinking. My assignment, until I have the "courage" to go to the office, is to find these three "pillars" of efficient working.

Various Work-Related Sickness

I had another absence. While I was at home thinking about the absence I made, I came upon this "theory". People used this in their everyday lives, and some may not know about this. Well, I prefer giving it a name.

I have this sickness that I got from my physics professor back in college. But it's slightly different since mine happens every monday. And thinking about it, I came up with a theory:

Monday Sickness

--> One loves the job, but hates the environment/place.

Friday Sickness

--> One loves the environment/place, but hates the job.

Absenticism

--> One hates both the job and the environment/place.

Thinking about it (again), I should have absenticism back in college. There were times that I don't like both the environment and the things I'm doing. But then agan, I didn't have the valid reason to get this sickness. Now, I have all the reason to have Monday Sickness. Try to guess.