As you all know, at my very young age (I'm 21, by the way), I already have a son. It's just four months after I graduated when I got pregnant. I didn't get married, I don't want to. Well, not yet.
The reason why I don't want to get married early because I don't want to get pregnant that early. I don't want to have a family of my own, not now (maybe when I older). I wanted to enjoy my life after I graduated. No commitments, no responsibilities. I was deprived of these joys when I was still studying, and I knew that these will be given to me after I graduated. I studied hard so that I won't disappoint my family, and so that they will give me my freedom.
Yes, they gave me my freedom. They allowed me to work away from them. But someone else took it away from me. I got pregnant. All I can think of that time was that "I'm imprisoned again". I was not happy at all.
Well, nine months later, I gave birth. I was not alone, though, since he was there by my side. But just two weeks later, he left. I'm alone, with a child that I didn't want in the first place. But what can I do? I AM STUPID! It's too late. We can't turn back the time. I'm stuck with a responsibility, and he's there, free to do whatever he can. I actually regret the day that I allowed him to sleep in my house. *sigh...Regrets!
Anyway, I can't do anything now. I can't kill my own son just to have my freedom back. I'm desperate, but not crazy. Now, all I can do is to take care of him, and love him. After all, he's a cute baby.
However, having a baby at a very young age is not always fun.
Pros:
- Fun if he's happy
- He's cute and huggable and lovable
- Makes you feel refreshed even if you're tired from work
- In the future, someone will come running to you, hug you, kiss you, and say "I love you, Mommy"
- You'll be proud of him, even if he's hard-headed, and say with heads up, "This is my son"
Cons:
- You'll have to wake up in the middle of the night to quite him down
- Not enough sleep
- Expensive baby things (especially the milk and diapers)
- Can't travel really far without him (believe me, you'll feel irresponsible if you do)
- Can't have outings
- Can't enjoy the pleasures of a single person (even if you're a single parent)
- And YOU CAN'T GO OUT WITH YOUR FRIENDS ANYMORE.
Well, this is what I get for being too emotional. *sigh
Now, I'm not free anymore. I'm forever stuck with someone. And this coming December, we will be bind forever.
Hmmmm...looking at the brighter side, I enjoyed being single for FOUR MONTHS. I THINK THAT'S LONG ENOUGH. What do you think???
Thursday, June 7, 2007
Pros and Cons
Melay
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4 comments:
do you think i'm free? of course not, there are a lot of things that i wanted to do and i won't be able to do them because it will affect my responsibility for you and my son. if you think being able to play at our sportsfest is freedom then you're wrong. i'm just doing it to at least ease my mind a bit. i'm tired of traveling from home-work vice-versa, i'm sacrificing a lot of things that i want to do... do you think that's free? add to that the pain of being away from the two of you makes it all worse. i'm starting to get sick, starting to get crazy and all you think is that i'm letting you be with jamiel and me here to be free... think again... but no matter how tough it is, i don't have any regrets... i don't mind how tired i am, i don't care how heavy the feeling is that i carry each day as long as the two of you are fine...
You really think I'm talking about your sportsfest, huh? That's b***sh*t!!! I didn't react with your outing, remember? So why with the sportsfest?
hmmm...and you're sacrificing a lot of things that you want to do. I see...so there are really a lot of things in your mind. OK. You're not free, alright. Sing your heart out mamaya ha...umuwi ka ng 12 midnight kasi hindi ka nga free.
When I said I'll be stuck with you forever, I didn't mean I don't want to be with you at all.
All I wanted was to be single for a longer period of time. I want to enjoy my life first before tying the knot, or without tying the knot. I guess you misunderstood. You always told me that I can still enjoy my life even if we're married. You are actually wrong. How can I enjoy the pleasures of being single if I'm married? Can I travel alone? Can I go anywhere I want to go without thinking my child? Can I act like a single woman? NO! I don't want to be called IRRESPONSIBLE because I enjoy the life that was taken away from me.
You didn't understand my point before about enjoying life. But now that Jamiel's here, I know that you understand me now.
I'm sorry, but I will forever remind you of how wrong you were. Jamiel's the proof, and that mistake will forever hunt you everytime you look at Jamiel.
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