Request

Four years, yet still, we are having big fights over small causes. We just don't get each other's points. We are getting married in two-week's time, but are we really ready for it? I'm not. But I have to.



I fear that someday, one or both of us will realize that this is a mistake (I hope not). I don't want my family to end up broken. I want my children to live a happy life. But by looking at the situation now, can we really do that? Can we really go on, ignoring the fact that we don't have proper disclosure on something so important?

Here's what I think: no. I've seen in with my brother. Even if we convince ourselves that we are different, and put a fake smile in our faces, we can't deny that we don't discuss. Why there's no discussion? Because everytime I try to open the issue, we always say to ourselves, "we have to". So I shut up.

Maybe this is one of the reasons why we are always fighting. I don't know. But just for a smallest detail, I get angry. If I get angry, he gets sad. If he gets sad, he'll have a mysterious chest pain that no medical doctor can ever heal. If he begins to feel that pain, I get guilty. And finally, both of us will have a very heavy feelling all throughout the day. Lucky enough if the fight happens at night. But what if it happens at daytime? Then we won't be able to work at our best efforts. And because of that, projects got delayed, and everything will reflect back to us. Sad situation.

Sometimes, I just shut myself, calm myself. So that after shutting, I will again be lively, and talk to him like nothing happened. Why don't you understand that???

This morning, as we ate at Jolibee, I was thinking about my project, which is due tonight. Then all of the sudden, I remember our argument last night. And I thought, I wish events in television shows are true. I'm talking about those shows that two people interchanges their lives, so each of them experiences what the other one's experience. *sigh I wish things could be this easy.