Pencil sculptures & life lessons...

a must-read!

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Met vriendelijke groet, with kind regards,
mmbhacs

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BE SURE TO READ THE END

A PENCIL MAKER TOLD THE PENCIL 

5 IMPORTANT LESSONS JUST BEFORE PUTTING IT IN THE BOX :

1. EVERYTHING YOU DO WILL ALWAYS LEAVE A MARK .

2. YOU CAN ALWAYS CORRECT THE MISTAKES YOU MAKE.

3. WHAT IS IMPORTANT IS WHAT IS INSIDE OF YOU.

4. IN LIFE , YOU WILL UNDERGO PAINFUL SHARPENINGS, WHICH WILL ONLY MAKE YOU BETTER.

5. TO BE THE BEST PENCIL, YOU MUST ALLOW YOURSELF 

TO BE HELD AND GUIDED BY THE HAND THAT HOLDS YOU.

We all need to be constantly sharpened. This parable may encourage you to know that you are a special person, with unique God-given talents and abilities. Only you can fulfill the purpose which you were born to accomplish. Never allow yourself to get discouraged and think that your life is insignificant and cannot be changed and, like the pencil, always remember that the most important part of who you are, is what's inside of you and then allow yourself to be guided by the hand of God.

Regrets

Have you ever regretted anything in your life?  I know I do.

I can't believe I'll say this, but I've never felt so much regret in my life...except for this.  I know I have regrets...but not this much.  I didn't wish for another way around...except for this.  I never hoped to turn back time...except this time.  I never cried for anything that doesn't involve my own life and my loved ones' lives...except for this person.

I can't recall ever saying, I wish I didn't have a child so soon...because I'm happy with my kids right now.  I haven't said if I can turn back time and marry again, I wish it's more fabulous, because my wedding was the best it could be that time, and I'm happy with it.  And never in my life did I say, I wish I didn't take that job in Cebu...because I had the time of my life there, I learned to live.

But last night, I cried so hard for one regret...and it doesn't even involve myself, my family, my loved ones.  I cried because of one regret...that I hesitated.  I asked myself, why did I ever hesitate if it can cause one innocent life?  Every time I remember that event, I bow my head in shame, and cry in vain.  Why did I ever turn my back?   What have I become that I was so cold and heartless?

I wish I called out.  I wished I asked.  I wish I helped.

Con-Ass? Anyone?

Have you heard of Constituent Assembly?  If not, then you should check the local news as this is what's hottest in politics these days.

During these times (I mean when National Election is fast approaching), Cha-Cha (Charter Change) is always the noisiest thing in politics.  Some of the people in positions want to amend the current laws of our country.  As to why, I don't fully understand.  A lot of people (who are against it) are telling me, if the administration wants to change the provisions to their favor, it will be bad for us.  They said, there will be another Ferdinand Marcos if this happens.  But even so, isn't GMA already told us she will really end her term?  Does this mean that the people don't really trust her words anymore?  Because if that's the case, maybe Con-Ass isn't a bad idea after all to retain the respect and fear of the people to the authorities.

I mean, have you seen the country right now?  Rallies here and there, most are shouting "Gloria Resign!".  We are indeed given the right to freedom and the democracy, but all I can see now is abuse of that freedom.  The people want to overthrow anyone in GMA's position, as if no one's going to be good enough for our beloved country.

I'm not ranting about this.  Something about the "Ako Mismo" campaign hit me that I'm trying my best not to blog anything that might destroy our country's reputation.  All I want is for the people to have faith on our leaders.  Yes, we heard a lot of corruption issues.  Yes, there are cheating everywhere.  And yes, they've made mistakes.  Who didn't???

Being on that position isn' easy.  I believe that GMA is doing her best to please us.  But she can't do everything.  She indeed has the power to mandate everything, but she's not a superhuman.  Even though she's the President of the Philippines, she's still a person who has a limitation.

Now, about the con-ass.  Do you agree to have amendments in our current laws?  Or are you one of those people who want to stop Con-Ass tomorrow?  Will you take a step. try to be heard, and oppose the Con-Ass?  Or are you in favor of that?  As we always hear in marriage ceremonies, "Speak now or forever hold your peace...".

2010 Presidentiables

Hello again.  This is just going to be a short one since I still have work to do.

In the news this evening, one of the reports was about the presidentiables for the coming national election.  Well, surveys say that GMA's trust survey went down.  Likewise, polls for Joseph Estrada, Mar Roxas, etc. went up.  Noli de Castro's credibility is torn when a group of people rallied and campaigned for "No Votes for Noli".  *sigh...when will this ever end????

Anyway, the question is not whose presidentiable will be worthy enough for the position.  From my viewpoint, the real question is, whose presidentiable is the LEAST evil that CAN be on that position.

My sister, who's still in first year high school, told us, a lot of people hate GMA again.  She said that no matter what GMA do, people won't trust her again.  Well, our mom and I told her, it's not easy to be in that position.  No matter how huge her accomplishments are, people will find a way to destroy her.  This goes on and on from the beginning, no only in her watch.  She might have done 5 good things during her administration, but one small mistake and the people won't trust her anymore.  That's life...that's Philippines...that's the world.  Do you know crab mentality?  Well, that's the reason...

A Site's Value

What good is a site? Really, I'm asking.

I've been working with online stores for more than a year now. I'm in charge with how the design works in a site. I make sure everything is working perfectly. I've been part of countless site developments, and even deployed a few on my own. Right now, although I'm not really deploying a new site, I'm the one that makes sure that the site looks good and doesn't have bugs or any problems. But just what good is a site?

I still believe that a site is just as good as the number of hits it has. Whatever you do with your site, whatever design or theme you'll apply, it's just as good as how many times it is viewed. In theater, if there's a stage play, one can measure how good the play was by the number of people who went there to see and appreciate it. In short, your site is nothing if only one or two people visits it. This blog or the rest of my pages are nothing if only my husband and a friend views it. This is worthless.

But why do I still make an effort to make this look good? Why do I still make blog entries? Because this is my passion. This is how I release my emotions. So do I actually care if only one or two people sees this? Of course, I do! I want a lot of audience for my play. But what can I do? I don't have a lot of friends to watch my self act. I'm just a lonely actress. My site is just a lonely stage. But I still value it.

So which is it?

Silent Night

A very silent Christmas eve indeed.

This is by far the most silent Christmas eve I've ever experienced. I woke up at around 12:30am today, greeted my husband a Merry Christmas, and went out only to find out that the lights outside our room were off. I was actually hoping to see my younger sister watching the television, since she said earlier that she won't be sleeping. But when I got out of the room, no one's there. I carried my daughter and observed for a minute or two outside our room, then went back inside. I put her back in our bed, then observed from our room if someone's outside. I saw that the lights went on so hurried out again. And there at our terrace, I saw my father, the last person I expected to be awake today. He was just there observing my sister's family lighting up some fireworks. He was worried that the fireworks might torn the roof they worked hard for earlier before they got to bed. Then my sister came to give us the Buko Salad and Spaghetti they prepared for Noche Buena.

Later, after filling up the water in the comfort room, my father went back to sleep. So I was alone again. I washed my son's milk bottles and sterilized them. Then transferred the Buko Salad to a smaller container that can be put in our fridge. I took four plates and four pairs of spoon and fork to the table, in case someone else wakes up. I went inside the room to ask my husband if he would like to eat or just sleep and take a rest (he was complaining about his headache earlier this evening). When he said he'll just take a rest, I went outside again and waited for a moment, hoping (again) that someone will walk out of their room to eat Noche Buena. But nobody came out so I decided to eat alone.

I took a peace of banana cake, a portion of the spaghetti from my sister, and two slices of Liempo, then just a cup of Pepsi. I went to the sala, turned the television on, and sit at the center table. I browsed thru the channels, and finally landing at Star Movies, watching "Titan AE". After finishing my food, I washed my plate and my cup, then went back in front of the television. But after 20 minutes, I turned it off and went back here at our room. I asked my husband if I can surf the Internet...I guess you know his reply.

So here I am now. Instead of having fun with my family, I'm typing this blog. Pretty boring and silent. I guess I should expect this from now on. My family's becoming busier each year to be very tired to even have Noche Buena. Lucky for us last year, my brother went home for my wedding. We had our usual Noche Buena. But this year, nothing. I think it's safe to say, our tradition is now lost. Is this the price we pay for having a successful year (financially, so to speak)?

The Aftermath

After how many weeks, I'm able to go online again tonight. And thank God the connection's faster.

Today's just another day for us here in Kidapawan. But of course, aside from my son, we have a new addition to our family. Yep, that's right! I gave birth to a "quite" healthy baby girl last November 9. She weighed 3.5 kls., obviously bigger than Myles when I gave birth to him. We named her Joannie Melle, and although Joemelle wanted Jemellaine Mai, I insisted the former. I've got reasons. hehe....

Anyway, the delivery was not that easy. Well, not as easy as during Myles's. It was more painful, and I can say, there was fear involved. I really believe it's traumatic, though not as long as during my labor with my son, and made me tell myself, "I don't want to undergo the same pain and feeling again". I was really afraid, and this feeling wrapped my whole body and soul. Everytime my parents and siblings check on me, I'd tell them I'm fine. But when my husband and I were alone, when I was alone, fear overpowered me. No matter how I told myself, it was just the same as the first time I gave birth, I knew that something wasn't right, I knew that something's off. And I was right.

THE DETAILS
My water broke at around 4:00 AM last November 9, but the contractions started just later that day. From that only, I thought, the timing was off. Usually, in a normal labor, the contractions are the first to encounter, then the mucus with blood, then the water will break. But in my case, it's different. I ignored it anyway, thinking that it might be normal in some cases. So when the mucus with blood came out at around 10:00 AM, I told my husband, then my Mom. But since I could still handle the pain brought by the contractions, we didn't go to the hospital yet. Well, not until 12:00 NN, after we had our lunch.

When we arrived at the hospital, I was admitted, and took the preliminary tests (IE and all sorts). First IE, the OB-Gyne told me it was still 7cm, but she could already touch the head. So we were all expecting the delivery to be sooner. But before that, added to my fear was, we learned that my OB-Gyne was out of town, she was in Manila. Now that's really comforting!

Anyway, 4:00 PM came and I couldn't handle the pain anymore, so even when I wasn't that sure, my husband alerted the nurses that it's coming. So I was taken to the delivery room, and waited there. They cleaned me again, IE over and over again. My worries grew when I saw that OB-Gyne's expression in her face. It's as if telling me, something was wrong. My anxiousness pushed myself to ask her, what was wrong. And she truthfully answered me, instead of the baby pushing her way down towards the opening, she's being pushed back up, so even when the opening was bigger than the previous, we couldn't do the delivery because the baby was now farther from the opening. They couldn't force the delivery, too, unless the baby comes nearer, because if they'll do, my organs will be damaged. That time, I was really worried.

Two hours passed and still nothing happened. They couldn't decide on what to do, because they were not the one's I was having check-ups with in the first place. Thankfully, Dra. Lily Mudanza, my OB-Gyne came (fresh from Manila). After a few prelims, she told me, I might undergo CS operation if the baby won't really go down. So she consulted my husband first, and when it was agreed, they scheduled me for the operation. But while they were preparing, Dra. Mudanza was still hoping that I will have a normal delivery. Unfortunately, I didn't.

So they took me into the Operating Room after a few minutes, prepared myself, then started the operation. More than half my body was really numb that I couldn't believe my right leg had cramps right before they injected the anesthesia at my back. I was awake the whole time (even when another doctor assisting the operation injected something at my dextrose to put me to sleep) but I couldn't feel a thing. I could just hear their voices, and at 7:43 PM, I heard her cry. She was out and alive, thank God.

As they were stitching my muscles back, I could already feel the pulling of what they were suppose to stitch. I started to say something, so they injected the drug again to put me to sleep. This time, they succeeded. I already fell asleep. I just woke up when they were placing me into a stretcher to be delivered in my room. I was wrapped in a thick blanket but was still shivering. For a moment there, I actually thought I was going to die. Well, that's how I felt.

So, I was out from the Operating Room, was delivered to my room, with the newly born baby, and saw my family waiting for me. I was really glad. Anyway, it ended the details of my delivery, by the pain didn't end there.

Unlike a normal delivery, the pain from the operation won't wear off that easy. I remembered when I gave birth to our son, I was able to do household chores after a few days from being discharged. But now, even at this moment, I can't do my laundry, or sweep the floor, or even carry my son. My actions are limited, and my body, especially the part with the stitch, still aches. But who am I to complain? If I do, it's as if saying, having this baby is troublesome. I don't want to think that way. These babies are God's blessing. So I will bear everything that comes with them. (Charr!!!)

Anyway, 'till next time. My daughter's waking up now. =p

Last Day

Well, this day marks the last day that I'll be working with the company (ironic, since I'm not working at all, just spending my last employee hours here. he he). Anyway, I'll be parting from this company, which has given me the chance to prove to myself that I can do so much better (and I'd say a lot of things) than being a tester. Working here (even before when I was just a Junior Web Developer) gives me the feeling that I have slapped their faces so hard (I mean my previous employer), for putting me in the Verifications Team, without even looking at my Transcript of Records (politics, huh?). Come to think of it, an Ateneo Cum Laude given the tester role, while the average fresh graduate from San Carlos became a Software Developer. Well, that's one reason why a lot of people hated that company.

Anyway, so now I'm walking away from this company proud, even with a little hurt feelings because of some "minor catastrophic events". I'm not expecting anything more from the management, since they haven't given me much too, except for the chance to work as a programmer, train and teach me a little, and pay me for my hardwork. I just hope I get my last pay, that's all. But I still thank them for risking to hire me, even if my experience was a Quality Assurance Engineer. I thank them for their trust that I can do programming stuff (unlike the previous one that didn't even look at my grades. Sheesh!!!). And I also thank Sander, for trusting me with his projects, and recognizing my skills. Even if there was a time that I failed you (I think) when your client sued you (was it my fault? I don't really know), you're still thankful for having me.

So what now? Tomorrow, I'm going home, with some of my stuffs. I'll leave early since my son is also scheduled for immunization. I'll be back on Tuesday for my salary and my clearance. I planned on going this Monday, but I have to take care of some business. Actually, someone's not doing their job well so I'll go there and give him some lessons. I hate unprofessional people. Hehe

So that's it! It's my last day at work, but I hope it's not my last day to be online and do the usual stuffs. The internet connection at home is freaking slow, but I hope I can manage and still browse the net, upload pictures and videos, play games, etc. he he he

Don't Complain

My Ate complains so much. Not that she complains on me, but her husband does. This month, I've received text messages from him, saying that my sister doesn't love him anymore, or since the day they got married, her love fled (I don't actually know to where, but I'm certain it's not to whom). They were married for five years now, but this dilemma in their relationship just came recently.

Sometimes, I'd wake up to my brother-in-law's text message, asking me what was happening to my sister. She won't talk to him and kept in ignoring him. Then I'd reply, "Kulang lang na ug laag si Ate" (She just lacks strolling). When she was still pregnant with their second baby, her husband would text me, is she always like that? Having tantrums, he meant. I told him it's just mood swings, after all, she was pregnant. The last time he texted, he told me there she goes again. Everytime she's not in the mood, she'd tell him she doesn't love him anymore. I was thinking, "Come on! Is she following our sister-in-law's footsteps???". I mean, my brother's life IS complicated, and her life is really nothing compared to it. I'd accept if my brother will always feel helpless, but not her. Anyway, I just told my brother-in-law that he needs to talk to her. They need communication. I mean, my husband and I have been there before (not as husband and wife, though), but I do know how my brother-in-law feels.

She has actually no reason to complain about her current status. She has a very loving and kind husband, a healthy and wealthy living, a house, and her husband has a business. Compared to our brother and myself, she's the luckiest. Our brother's family is broken, he works away from us, and I know, he doesn't have that much money. My life, on the other hand, is not as complicated as his, but not that fortunate as her, too. I have a one-year old son, and yet, I'm almost 6 months pregnant, my husband is far from us and his job is just enough to support our son, my job is just enough to support myself and this second child (so if I stop working, it will be very hard for us), I'm living with my mother-in-law on weekdays, then with my parents on weekends and my mother want's me to stop working after delivery (that's the time everything will be harder). So my sister is waaaayyyyy better off than us. But do we complain? Well, maybe our brother does, but I don't. I feel lonely, and down, but I don't complain. Complaining means accepting that in this game of life, you already lose. Have I lost? Not yet, because I'm still young.

There are more people in this world that are much less fortunate than us, but some of them still face life with a smile, and still thank God for having a life. The secret to this game is contentment. My sister is not contented with what she has, at least it's how I interpret my brother-in-law's text messages. But we don't have the right to complain about everything. We are alive, and that's enough reason to not complain. I wish my sister will realize that.

You Are Not Alone

I've read this in Friendster bulletin board, and decided not to re-post this, but put this in my blog instead. Posts in the bulletin board can be forgotten, but in this blog, I have an archive that I can read everytime I want to.

Love vs. Sex

A teenage girl about 17 had gone to visit some friends one evening and time passed quickly as each shared their various experiences of the past year. She ended up staying longer than planned, and had to walk home alone. She wasn't afraid because it was a small town and she lived only a few blocks away.

As she walked along under the tall elm trees, Diane asked God to keep her safe from harm and danger.

When she reached the alley, which was a short cut to her house, she decided to take it. However, halfway down the alley she noticed a man standing at the end as though he were waiting for her. She became uneasy and began to pray, asking for God's protection. Instantly a comforting feeling of quietness and security wrapped round her, she felt as though someone was walking with her. When she reached the end of the alley, she walked right past the man and arrived home safely. The following day, she read in the newspaper that a young girl had been raped in the same alley just twenty minutes after she had been there. Feeling overwhelmed by this tragedy and the fact that it could have been her, she began to weep.

Thanking the Lord for her safety and to help this young woman, she decided to go to the police station.

She felt she could recognize the man, so she told them her story. The police asked her if she would be

willing to look at a lineup to see if she could identify him. She agreed and immediately pointed out the

man she had seen in the alley the night before. When the man was told he had been identified, he

immediately broke down and confessed. The officer thanked Diane for her bravery and asked if there was anything they could do for her. She asked if they would ask the man one question. Diane was curious as to why he had not attacked her.

When the policeman asked him, he answered, "Because she wasn't alone. She had two tall men walking on either side of her."

Amazingly, whether you believe or not, you're never alone. Did you know that 98% of teenagers will not stand up for God? Repost this as Love vs. Sex if you truly believe in God..,

PS: God is always there in your heart and loves you no matter what.....and if you stand up 4 him he will stand up for you. I bet 93% of you people dat read this wont repost...

Love and Marriage

I was eating dinner last night when I suddenly remembered my Sister-in-law's last forwarded message to me. It said something like "what will happen to a relationship when love fades away?" I remember replying to her, saying, "if you really and truly love the person, it will never fade, it will prosper instead." Months later, when my Brother went home, I just knew then that they separated. I was furious to her, and I was thinking, she never loved my brother from the very start.

I stuck to what I believed in, until I've read this piece from an Istoryan forumer. Didn't know if she got this somewhere since she didn't site a source. But I like the message: Love is not enough in marriage.

A married couple appeared in court to finalize their divorce proceedings and as the case continued, the unfaithful, husband seated next to his young, stunning mistress, looked over to his soon to be ex-wife and gazed a few moments. It has been years since he actually looked at her. Months since they have separated but years since they had parted. Somewhere along the road of home and children, he left her hand. Somewhere along the road of marriage, he dismissed her feelings. Somewhere along the road of life, he forgot her smile.

Caught in a mirror of thoughts, he fathomed this to be the right alternative. Another chapter of his life started and she was just not part of it. Another journey embarked but a new partner to journey with. Well, it will soon be over and each of us could move on. Time stilled for one more moment and his heart whispered her name. As he gazed at his wife one last time, she started to look familiar.

He saw her broken nails and shriveled fingers and yet his new found love has a manicured hand adorned with a beautiful new diamond ring. Then he remembered those same shriveled fingers washed his clothes and cooked his food, hugged him in the morning and clasped him close to pray .He saw her wrinkled face with tear stained eyes and his girlfriend's beautiful red lips and alluring eyes .Then he remembered that was the same face that smiled when he was distressed and cried at his achievements. He saw his new found love's defined body and his wife's out of shape physique. Then it struck him quite plainly, that was the body that bore him, his children. Just then, the mallet was about to end a lifetime commitment .

Forgive me, I was selfish, I thought of only myself and what I wanted and needed. As these words left his mouth, his wife motioned towards him and tears of remorse and heartache turned to tears of reconciliation and lost love was now found.

A life time of memories is found in a single laugh, a shy hello, a jolly giggle and even an angry argument. If tomorrow never comes, what of today found its way to that beautiful box of forget -me-nots. Spouses lose each other when much is always done but the little is forgotten. A Cinderella ending is not always the

outcome of a divorce proceeding but before your marriage takes you there , be sure to change direction. Far too long, spouses take each other for granted. Knowing replaces telling and understanding replaces affection. The once sought after words of love and endearment is now riddled with bills to pay and needs to be met. Never assume one knows how you feel without saying it out loud. Words in space leave lasting impressions on the heart. A hug screams affection and a touch speaks volumes. Measure your love for your spouse in a bottomless filter, where there will never be enough, ever fill up or even come to an end.

Husbands and wives are still people with every intact emotion so be sure dear ones, to never lose sight of the one who kept you up chatting to the early hours of the morning .Let stars shine in your eyes when you look into theirs and dress your lips with love , when you say their name.

Marriage and Love" if a husband and wife do not feel they are in love at any given moment in their relationship then this is likely to be a sign that their marriage relationship needs to be worked on. Marriages must be built with your love for each other being woven into the agape love of God. Marriage is a glorious part of a human life and this spiritual covenant of commitment is ordained before a living God. Let the Holy spirit be the power that keeps you from not only loving your spouse but rather , keeps you always IN LOVE with your spouse. Stay in the Love of God with each other. Love is not enough when it lies untold.

"And the two shall become one flesh."

I realize, love does fade away as time passes by, and what's left in marriage is friendship. This is because love alone is not enough. The couple must work together to remain in-love with each other. But if love really did faded away, is it a ground for separation? You've undergone marriage, which is a "spiritual covenant of commitment is ordained before a living God", thus, making marriage sacred. Do you not love God that you want annulment or divorce? Do you have no respect to Him? Because as I remember it, we had our vows in front of God, that as a couple, we will love each other and stay by his/her side forever, until death do us part. Is it the kind of love that we want to show our kids? If we get separated, how can we tell them what is love and respect God?

It's hard to be a couple. You have to accept your spouse whoever he/she may be. It's hard to stay in love with each other if you have misunderstandings. But this is the path we chose. So in order for marriage to last, we have to work this out.